The gift of singleness

Many of us have grown up our whole lives desiring marriage. In a rom-com-saturated culture where happily ever after is the end goal, we dream of our own romances ending in a perfect dreamy wedding. While desiring marriage is not wrong, sometimes the desire overtakes all of our thoughts, dreams, ambitions and it can be hurtful in singleness.

For all my single ladies, you may be recently single or have been living in a season of singleness that seems never-ending. I want to encourage you how you can take this time of singleness and learn how to glorify the Lord with it. (Yes it is possible!)

Singleness is a gift from God. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul describes singleness as a gift, "I wish that all were as I myself am." Singleness is also good. The world often tricks us into thinking singleness is a burden, but in fact, it is fun! It is a time to pour into others and your own relationship with God. Singleness is a time to invest in God and his mission. As a single woman, you have much more time for God and His work. Seek to ask God how you can wisely spend your time investing in Him and those around you.

"The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband."

- 1 Corinthians 7:32-34 ESV

I believe singleness is a picture of what eternity will be like, as we are completely fulfilled in Christ, standing before the throne of God as just ourselves. It is also not a hindrance to our joy, God is our fulfiller of joy, not someone else.

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

- Psalm 16:11 ESV

If you are hoping that once you get married, your spouse will fill the hole in your heart, you will be sorely disappointed. Your spouse can never fill the hole that God was meant to fill.

"By trying to find fulfillment everywhere, we find it nowhere."

- Elisabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity

“Our sexuality is not our soul, marriage is not heaven, and singleness is not hell.”

- Jackie Hill Perry, Gay Girl, Good God: The Story of Who I Was and Who God Has Always Been

I would be negligent not to mention that singleness has its challenges. Singleness often comes with loneliness. That is where finding a local church, getting involved, serving, and becoming a part of the community there is so helpful, we grow in community. It is the job of the church to encourage and fellowship with singles to combat this loneliness.

"We need to make sure our church family really is a family. Jesus promises, "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life. It should be the case that anyone who has joined our churches to say they’ve experienced an increase in intimacy in community."

- Jackie Hill Perry, Gay Girl, Good God: The Story of Who I Was and Who God Has Always Been

Singleness is not meant to be shied away from. But embraced as a gift, a way to draw closer to Christ and find fulfillment in him. Do not let your longing for marriage ruin your season of singleness. Singleness does not equal less, and marriage does not equal more.

"Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living"

- Jim Elliot, Passion and Purity.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

- 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 ESV

Here are a couple of books that have been really helpful in my singleness:

Marian Jordan Ellis, Sex and the Single Christian Girl: Fighting for Purity in a Rom-Com World

Elisabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity

Kim Vollendorf, Loving your Husband Before you Even Have One